by Tebyan, 2007
Men and women need each other spiritually and intrinsically and such a need is something that does not change because of social changes and industrial and technological advancement. This need is rooted in the nature of human beings and it is this very nature which drives human beings to form families and sound family relations. It is an important concern of our age which accounts for the decrease in wrong-doing, mental aberration and disorganized state of affairs and should be considered with special care. The difficulties in forming families and relations cannot only be removed through legal channels and consultation. These problems require instructive family teachings and advice for both young men and women to be able to solve these problems. To this end, the true nature of young men and women should be awakened and their valuable roles revealed to them.
Both boys and girls on the verge of marriage should attend consultation classes in marriage and family management away from family and friends. Thus, the married couple would learn how to love each other tenderly, forgive and forget each other’s faults and become familiar with their mutual demands. Many times a boy or a girl, gets married just to gratify their intrinsic sexual desires. But after a short while after their ardent passions are quenched and because the marriage was not based on the right motivations, moral and behavioural tensions surface and the marriage soon dissolves. The newly-married couples should solve their family problems not by obstinately and unreasonably insisting on whatever either of them wants. Nor by listening to the advice sometimes given with malice. Marital life survives by sincere give and take, if unusual and unreasonable desires govern a marriage and either man or woman disregards the ‘do’ and ‘do not’ – and only thinks of his or her wants, they will become a constant bone of contention.
A man and a woman should know whether their future partner in life can be a good mother or father and how well they are able to bring up their children. The married couple should try to understand what each other’s weak points and strong points are.
The Position of the Family
The family is the nucleus of society and the first society in which we learn social etiquette principles and cooperation. Family is the centre for protection of national and moral traditions and in one word, for the protection of individuals. Hence, those who are deprived of family blessings will be exposed to doom. The absence of moral values will be the loss of cooperation and co-existence and finally the decadence of nations and human societies. Today with a casual glance at the quality of life and disintegration of families and increasing divorce-rates and parents making great efforts to provide for the material needs of their children and disregarding moral and human values, we see that family life is on the decline.
Effective and social relations are waning and the relations of elders and the young generation are strained and there is little sign of respect. The approaches concerning marriage and the objectives of married life and family patterns have changed because of the industrial age. Boys and girls who are under very serious sexual pressures try to solve their problems within the legal and moral precincts of Islam but are faced with the unreasonable unfounded excuses of their parents. In order to free themselves of these limitations and difficulties they unfortunately turn towards illegal and immoral methods.
It is obvious that for a girl and a boy who marry without love but only for satisfaction of their own sexual desires, this tie won’t last a long time and it may not bring about peace. Today’s family pays little attention to co-existence and divine cordiality between husbands and wives, parents and children, and also old people’s rights. The great role of affection and understanding in marital life is forgotten. Not being aware of the effects of affectionate smile and words, the young husband and wife lead the centre of family towards a dark prison. Happiness and hope will change to stress and despair.
Thus, despite recent advances in technology, industry and the improvement of cultural communications and relations, the cultural and moral situation of families has become worse and it has made man’s future ambiguous. To deal with this matter, one should try to make the family a peaceful environment and parents should spend more time with one another and their children. In this way, parents can provide children with a safe and peaceful environment under their own supervision, and the children will become kind and healthy parents of the future. Some parents of due to their cultural, emotional and financial inability are unable to perform their rightful duties.
The instability of the Western families, the popularity of the families in which men and women live with each other for some time without any obligations towards each other, and without any marriage contract, the popularity of homosexuality, and the popularity of solitary lives – [according to our faith] all are warning signs for man’s future.
In the rich culture of Islam, marriage is considered as the best and greatest structure which is made of cordiality, devotion, and self-satisfaction whose architecture places these in the nature and fate of the workers (i.e. husband and wife) of this structure and insistently encourages Muslims to adopt these characteristics.
In the culture of Islam in comparison to many other old and new cultures, men cannot rule over women. And man’s supervision and guardianship doesn’t show his superiority and authority. A woman is a companion in times of his loneliness and she gives him comfort. A Muslim woman who is familiar with Islam and is of a pure nature tries to obey her husband who is of her own choice. She tries to satisfy her own mental-spiritual needs as well as her husband’s. In this way, they can create a pleasant family environment.
Thus, the contract of marriage is not only a legal way for satisfaction of the sexual instinct, but also is a contract that covers all aspects between the couples which gives beauty and harmony to their lives, and saves them from solitude.
Disintegration of families, increase in divorce rates, moral decadence, negligence of the needs of the young generation, lack of respect and good understanding can be rooted out only with improving relations. Today families are formed with the sole objective of gratifying the sexual desires of man and woman.
The Holy Qur’an says: “And of His sign is this: He created for you helpmates from yourselves that you might find rest in them and created between you love and mercy.” (۲۱:۳۰)
The above Qur’anic Verse refers to a reality that if explained from cultural and educational points of view and above all by parents and if its evils are dealt with, will be so strong that even poverty and ill-health will not be able to weaken it.
The above Verse gives orientation to the life of married couples that must always give comfort to each other and their relations should not be summed up only in sexual pleasure. But should bring an abiding love, sympathy so that they may live in marital bliss.
Because the family is the foundation for forming individual and social personalities and the very morality of parents is a very influential factor which begins way before marriage. The level of development and spirituality of a nation is directly related to its morality and culture, and the roots for the formation of culture and morality can be found in the family.